Who Are You, Anyway?

Damn It to Hell

2006-10-10T00:47:00.000-05:00

I just got tired of all the bruhaha about the template so I started another blog but then after I raged against the blogger machine... I went back to the old template... Who says you can't go home?

It's almost 2 am and I should be reviewing journal articles for my exam tomorrow but I have no desire... I wanna do anything other than that. So here we are! I am still searching for another template and who knows... the happy bunny may return once I have the time and patience to figure out what went wrong with it.

It was a 3 day weekend. Why do I feel like I want one more day? At least it' s short week!a

Just Because I Want To

2006-07-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

I thought it time for a blog makeover, so I went a searchin' and what did I see? I found this great little template lookin at me! (sorry about the Brown Bear references)

Since the title so aptly describes how I feel about boys, I thought it only right that I should become one with this template.

This is my new motto for the week. Not because I'm having man issues but because it is an inherent truth that reaches across all ages, races and geographic areas.

Even though my time for blogging is limited, and I haven't really had much I wanted to share, I thought a change was appropriate and maybe would provide the motivation needed to get back on the blogger track (hell, who are we kidding with this?).

Basically I saw it and wanted it and had to have it... so it's mine! What do you think? I thought about visiting BabyJane Blogs for a blog makeover but this was cheaper and I wasn't in the mood to think about what I wanted the new blog to look like.

So here it is....Hate it or Love it!

Can I Have That?

2006-06-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

Everyone has one… you know… “the one that got away”, the one that just looking at him gets the hidden places all moist and wet…

Everyone has one… even HipChick!

Well, this morning as I pulled into the parking space at work, “the one that got away” was sitting in his car waiting…

Waiting for whom? Waiting for me?

I’d like to think so but he was waiting for some colleagues that work in the Xerox office several suites down from me.

Let me tell you about him: (I will bullet because this could go on forever!)

Fine, Fine, Fine!
Tall
Chocolate complexion
nice smile
nice ass
deep voice
big feet ( do I really need to explain this one?)

I first saw him as a freshman in college, he was a senior. I saw him and just became dumb. The kind of dumb girls get when the see a guy and don’t know how to act. So dumb that I got drunk and propositioned him in at a party. I was still a virgin at the time. It was crazy, I was crazy and I wanted him. But being a virgin, and not really believing he would take me up my offer, I chickened out.

DAMN, why did I chicken out? I could have had him!

Now F.A.B. (that’s fine ass brotha’) is married, with a couple of rugrats!

DAMN! It could have been me… should have been me….DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

The Email...

2006-05-26T19:54:00.000-05:00

I got an email from Cousin Dan!

Who the hell is Cousin Dan?

Cousin Dan is the hot first cousin of my longtime friend J.C. He is so damn good looking it is sinful...

He just put his page up on Myspace and saw my request to become his "friend".

"Oh yes, I'll be your friend, Cousin Dan! Can we take a ride in your big black truck?"
The email subject starts with.. "hey good looking..." He means me...Oh, boy!

The email starts with "When I look at that pic I'm like "Yah she could get it." and the email ends with, "By the way I need some contact info from you."

Now I have several questions...

1. Exactly what can HipChick get?
2. How often can I get it?
3. Will I like it?
4. Can I get more if I want?

I wanna know dammit!

So... never being the person that doesn't give you what you want.... I happily provided my cell phone number and ever so slyly asked about what I could get.

No ask-y, no get-y, right?

This One's For You...Blue!

2006-05-22T17:04:00.000-05:00

"Write something... even if the post only says, something."

"I don't have anything to say."

This was the conversation I had with Blue944 on Sunday over sangria and tapas at Jaleo. Since he read me the riot act for being a slack ass blogger, I have returned to the fold like a prodigal son seeking love and solace in the arms of my fellow bloggers.

My name is HipChick and I am a slackass blogger...

I admit it, I did it and I'm sorry...

But can you believe I'm back? I know, right!

So the gang all met Sunday for drinks and group chat... good times were had by all. Everyone was there (except Jassika... and Emptyman) for the East Coast blogger convention. The line up looked something like this:

HipChick
ThatGirl
Blue944
Independentgrl
Cosmopolgrl

There was even a special cameo appeareance by the Mayor of Whoville! Life can't get much better than that!

Here On The Island... Long Island

2006-02-24T23:21:00.000-05:00

I'm here on Long Island with 'Cosmopol and her family and we're are here for this 3-day workshop on Autism Interventions for kids. It's being hosted by The Elija Foundation. Teaching Verbal Behavior to Children with Autism with Dr. Vince Carbone.

It's being held at the Long Island University CW Post Campus in Brookeville. I have never seen so many McMansions in my life! This is the only college campus I've visited that had a hair salon, and full service nail salon IN the student union. I was excited when Chik-Fil-A finally came to Towson's campus.

I'm bedding down at Cosmo's family home where high jinx is always on the menu...even when the stove is broken! Everyone is very sweet (even the little brother that yammers non-stop and talks WAY TOO MUCH TRASH!) and frets about me being ok.

I'm a low maintenance kinda girl...when I travel...I usually bring everything myself (even the air freshener for those not-so-fresh moments!) I don't need much to make me happy on the road....as long as I get to where I'm going.

Cosmo... she's from the Island... she grew up there... so I have just one question.

How do I end up lost in Long Island with a girl that grew up here? 10 minutes from where she lives? She may tell you on her blog that she hasn't lived there in 12 years....but HipChick ain't buyin' it!

We got lost on the way here, once we got here....basically every time she and I get into her car we end up...somewhere over the rainbow... on the Jericho Turnpike! Tomorrow is our last day here and we'll have to see if we get lost on our way back home.

Wouldn't that be too much?

Nah... that actually might make everything seem balanced and in order!

Since You Been Gone...

2006-02-20T22:35:00.000-05:00

"Since you been gone...I can breathe for the first time....I'm so movin on ... yeah, yeah... thanks to you...now I get, I get what I want...since you been gone!"

Whew... just felt like singing.

"You had your chance, you blew it... out of sight out of mind....shut your mouth I just can't it"....

Since you been gone....

Restless and out of sorts... searching for something... but not sure what.

Maybe it's the boots.... wouldn't you know they ran out of my size!

Shocker!

Life Is Short...

2005-12-19T21:03:00.000-05:00

"Life is short...buy the shoes"

This small pearl of wisdom was so eloquently etched on a shoe ornament given to me by Beltone. It was an epiphany of sorts.

I had been debating on whether to buy a $200 pair of leather stiletto boots. These boots are especially made for women with large calves. My calves are large and it is murder trying to find knee high boots that will actually fit mine. In other words, I like them but they don't like me. I found them on Zappos. com and they are gorgeous!

After seeing this lovely ornament given to me by Beltone, having a rationalization session with Girl Who Texts Messages, and seeing the size of my Christmas bonus check, I decided to buy the boots! A girl has gotta have knee high boots!

Sometimes I feel a little niggling guilt about buying things for myself...like I don't always deserve. but then I think , "I sure do deserve it, and then some..." Why do we always feel that we are less deserving than those around us? Is it something out mothers teach us? Is it learned?

I have come to this rationalization: I will treat myself now because when spouse and children come, I will need to sacrifice for their sakes. Until then... GAME ON!

Tis The Season... For What?

2005-12-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

How the hell should I know!

For me, the Christmas season is no longer a big deal. I mean most of my family is here, I shop all the time anyway, where is the draw? The holidays are just not that big of a deal. Sometimes I think I feel this way because I'm single and childless. Maybe it will mean more when these things are a part of my life... but for now it only means two things...

Making "huts" with Beltone and Independentgrl. "Huts" are mini chocolate chip snowball cookies with an entire box of confectioners sugar dumped on top. Making these at the home of Beltone has become somewhat of an annual ritual and quite the raucous good time! The other thing the holiday season means is...

Travel.

Tis the season for HipChick to travel! Where will HipChick spend the holidays? What uncharted course will she choose? Well as a rule, I usually head to much warmer climes but I'm in a mood to face old man winter head on. I have envisioned this Christmas nestled in a warm cabin or chalet, sitting in front of a roaring fire, listening to "O Come All Ye Faithful." I see myself donning snow boots and my winter coat to make the trek down the mountain for the traditional Christmas dinner in the local inn or hotel.

I have decided to spend this Christmas holiday....skiing! I've never been skiing and so I thought what better way to face the winter cold than zooming down some snow covered mountain on ski or snowboard. This will be a first for me and the family... can you believe they actually agreed?

This year I'm opting for an airport free vacation... so we will not be traveling to Aspen or Vail this year... the thought of the neverending security checkpoint lines, and taking off my shoes and ALWAYS being behind the guy that did not take his laptop out of the case after 50 overhead announcements to "please take all laptops out of their cases" gives me a migraine! I have opted to stay local and..... drive a couple hours for my skiing needs!

I am hoping it will be lots of fun and that I don't come home with any broken bones. Haven't decided where to go just yet...I can't wait... I just love doing something new.

Meaningless Trips and Gettin' It For a Song...

2005-11-30T22:40:00.000-05:00

Well, I have done it. I purchased almost everything one "hip chick" could need for her very own dark room.

And I got it for a song on EBAY!

The only items missing are a negative carrier ( for my specific enlarger) and chemicals. I plan to acquire both of these soon. I tallied up what I spent at the Smithsonian darkrooms and I could have bought my own darkroom a year ago. Sometimes it take a person on the outside looking in to give you a fresh perspective. It was actully one of my best friends, Reedy, that offered me her laundry room in her basement as a darkroom that got me to thinking about why not set it up in my own place.

Thank God for friends! I'll be posting some stuff I've printed in the coming weeks.

The week has had a bit of a rough start. Monday was the worst! I get up at the crack of dawn to make sure that I am on time ( a rarety in itself) for a meeting in Hunt Valley ( it is bum fuck for all those who are more familiar with DC) and I get there only to find out the meeting has been cancelled!

Nevermind I find out 15 minutes after the meeting was supposed to start.

Nevermind that I had to drive 1.5 hours to get there.

Nevermind the wait would have been longer had I not called my supervisor.

Needless to say HipCHick was PISSED! Yes, gas prices have gone down but gas it still more than $2 per gallon... and wait a minute! I just spent 3 hours of my day in the car ( although it is a very nice car!)

GRRRRR! !@##$%

I was not a happy camper, and I didn't want to put on a happy face. What I wanted to do was hit someone in the face. I was livid! I could have committed mayhem...
Have you ever wanted to just slap the hell out of someone?...even though you knew there was gonna be hell to pay afterwards?

Yeah, that's how I was feeling!

I didn't want to be around people, or have my coworkers see me trying unsuccessfully to calm dowm or shake it off.... so I decided to isolate myself and be alone... working from home.

HipChick calmed down...

HipChick doesn't feel like hurting people anymore...

HipChick has let it go

Whooosaaah!

Look Who The Cat Dragged In...

2005-11-22T19:45:00.000-05:00

Like sands across the desert,
I have been adrift.
Trying to find my way,
back from the abyss.
Tossed hither and yon,
I have been restless.
Searching for a way
To make the best of it.

~HipChick

The past month has been stressful. Having to come to grips with the impending death of my aunt with breast cancer, getting messages from beyond the grave, and then her funeral left HipChick drained. Add in psychotic cousins, trying to keep the proverbial family peace and what do you get....

SICK!

Imagine a cold blustery day where HipChick is coughing up her lung during the funeral service and then standing out in the cold at the cemetery to see a loved one laid to rest and then finally visiting the grave of a 3 yr old cousin that she had not been allowed to see lain to rest. Yeah, it was a bit too much... even for me.

HipChick needed to stop coughing (she is still waiting for this particular phenomenon)!

HipChick needed to grieve!

HipChick needed to pick up her left lung from off the floor!

HipChick needed a break!

HipChick is ok now. She has let it go.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Sorry I haven't checked in on anyone. what the hell have you all been doing?

I have decided to stop messing around with community darkrooms and trying to find one and have decided to set up my own right here in the villa. I've got more closets than I have clothes (if you can believe that) and have decided to use my huge hall closet as the darkroom. I've purchased all necessary equipment from Ebay ( love them!) and am anxiously awaiting its arrival. The only things I have to get now are my chemistry.

Yeah!

I feel like it's time to get a little more serious about the photography.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

With all the recent talk of death and dying, I have finally convinced my mother to take action and write up a revocable trust and will. It has taken me 7 years and the death of her sister to realize that everything needs to be put in writing and made official. Finally she has listened to me and I could not be happier!

I have even begun taking steps to put together my own trust and will. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I'd like to think that family would not be overwhelmed with preparing a funeral and administering my estate, but I know that that is not always the case. So HipChick will be prepared.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

I've been thinking about starting a business. I don't know what area to focus on, but I just know that I want to start something. It's amazing the things that come to mind in between coughing and picking up your lung!

We shall see where this road leads me!

Messages From The Other Side

2005-10-20T19:32:00.000-05:00

I've just returned from a very emotionally charged visit with my Aunt D. Me, my mom, my younger brother, 2 cousins, a cousin-in-law- and my uncle were all assembled in her room. She was resting when we arrived and she slowly came to as we began to arrive and stir within the room. As she began to talk, she told me how rough her night had been. She had been in a great deal of pain that seemed to know no end. I could tell she was in in pain as she spoke and it saddened me to see a woman who was vibrant and a hellraiser brought low by this wretched disease.

She wanted to tell everyone about last night. We all listened intently as she slowly recounted the events of the night. She said that she had asked God to take her... that she was ready to leave this world...that she was tired. She wanted to go. She began talk of "everyone". She had seen everyone last night.

"I saw everyone last night."

"Aunt D, who is everyone?"

" Everyone."

"Can you name some of the people you saw?"

" Momma" (my grandmother)

" You saw Gran?

" Yes"

"Who else?"

" Gus" ( my father)

" Kisha" (her daughter, my 3 yr old cousin killed by a drunk driver in 1985)

" Carl" ( her brother, my uncle that died the same year)

"what were they doing?"

"They were all here talking"

I was quiet for a long moment, and reflected on what she was telling me and what it all meant. She shifted in the bed and said she had a message for me. I begin to think, " a message for me?" She looked at me and in a strong, lucid tone she said....

"Your father wanted me to tell you to stop crying.... there is no need for you to cry anymore. He is very proud of you. You are successful. He is very proud of you."

When she told me what he said about me crying, my eyes immediately filled with tears. No one knows that I still, to this day mourn him as I did 7 years ago. No one knows that I look at his photo everyday and wish that he was here to tell me what to do, give me hugs, change my oil, make bread. No one knows that on October 19, 1998, I suffered a broken heart.

7 years later, my heart is still broken.... but now I know he is proud of me!

Marriage...The Sinking Ship

2005-10-16T15:20:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me... but I know very few happily married people. I can count one hand the number of couples that don't regret the day they said "I do." I think that is real sad! Everyday more and more of my friends are either getting hitched or knocked up or both. The married ones aren't happy. Don't they know they are REALLY making me rethink the marriage thing?

Why is everyone so eager to jump into marriage? From what I hear marriage is hard work, so why are so many running toward the altar like junkies to the pipe? What is so great about it? I have heard many horror stories lately, from the couple sleeping in separate bedrooms (who just had a child) to the couple who doesn't spend any time together and are now separated. I could go on! Was this what they were all running to? I wonder!

I had dinner with my friend K on Friday night... She smart, beautiful, level-headed and she's got her shit together. Her main goal in life is to be someone's girlfriend and then someone's wife. What I don't understand is why she is in such a hurry. Now I don't want to knock anyone's dream BUT I think that if these are your main goals in life then that is VERY sad! What happens when all that has been accomplished? Then what? There has to be more to life than being someone's girlfriend or wife! Why are you defining yourself by your relationships... or lack thereof? Women tend to do this A LOT! Why do women think that their value is somehow inherent on them being in a relationship/married? It's as if a woman could not be COMPLETELY FABULOUS unless she had a man or a ring. Pish Posh!

Sure, I want to be able to grow older with someone, and maybe one day I'll get married, but that is not the main goal in my life. I would be happy just to find someone who didn't bore the hell out of me after a couple weeks/months and could lay the pipe fairly frequently!

Whatever happened to getting to know yourself, finding out what you do and don't like and having a love affair with yourself? Whatever happened to establishing who you are first? These are essential pieces of the puzzle that need to be addressed before we start asking other people to be a part of our lives.

I am in no way a "down with love" girl. I have seen some couples get married and make it work. No doubt they are encountering the same day to day struggles as the rest, but I have to wonder if they took the time to be true to themselves before taking the plunge. I also have to wonder whether the couples having problems and friends now divorced took the time to be true to themselves.

At any rate, the whole idea of marriage to me is something akin to the Titanic... a ship going down. Maybe this view will change, but right now... it doesn't look so good.

Internet Issues, Race For the Cure, Just A Big Dope...

2005-10-06T19:02:00.000-05:00

I am HipChick.

I am having internet issues. (I am actually posting this at work)

How is a modem unable to be detected after being detected for the last 5 months? This is the 64 million dollar question! As of Sunday night I am having these heinous dsl problems...I don't get it. I beginning to hate Verizon... especially after they seem to be unable to get the monthly billing correct!

Fucking-A!

I will not get upset, I will not cancel my service, I will not cancel my service!

Damn, don't make me cancel my service!

Bastards!
************************************************************
Saturday last, Independentgrl, Beltone and I did the Race For the Cure. Damn, it was hard to see all the people affected by breast cancer. As we were walking the race route, I could see thousands ahead of me and I must say that it was quite an emotional thing...I became teary-eyed... unbeknownst to IG and Beltone.

My aunt was recently diagnosed with breast cancer in stage 4. If anyone knows what that means then you know it is terminal. So being a part of this race was important to me. I walked for her and all the other women who will be diagnosed with this horrible disease... I could use a cure YESTERDAY!
******************************************************************
Ok, I need a "Do-Over" for this entire day!

I get into the office this morning and I realize that, after turning on my computer, I am due to be in a meeting across town in 10 minutes.

FUCK!

So HipChick attempts to haul ass across town after explaining to Independentgrl and Beltone that I was a BIG DOPE and didn't check the schedule for the next day!

FUCK!

Thank G*d for 2006 vehicles! (my Solara ate up the road!) I have never driven so fast in my life ... in a car I actually owned! Definitely something for the record books! I made it in just under 23 minutes and it was raining!

I have been writing this newsletter for the team and IG actually noticed that some of the copy was missing. Hell's Bells... upon further inspection I noticed I had placed the rest of the copy off to the side ( to be deleted).

I have been the BIGGEST DOPE today! Today I have set a record. Does it get any worse?

You bet your sweet ass, kemo sabe!
Co-authoring on another newsletter, I find out that I been working on an old copy and that the newsletter is finished and ready to be put to bed.

You gotta be f*cking kidding me!

So guess who gets to write the entire newsletter for the whole organization in January? You guessed it!

Me. I think I will actually have 2 to write in January. So if all of a sudden I just drop off the face of the earth, look for me in the bathroom... maybe you'll actually catch me before I slit my wrists!

Big Dope!

The Voice Of Reason....

2005-09-26T20:38:00.000-05:00

I can't seem to stop. I probably should stop.

Shopping... I need to stop shopping.

Who the hell am I kidding? I LOVE shopping! But the what I hate is the voice inside my head that sounds eerily like my mother's saying, "you need to stop spending so much money!"

"Shut up Mom!.... I'll take this one in the blue and the green!"

I just acquired two lovely rings from a federal auction... one sapphire and one emerald... Very nice pieces to add to my collection... a girl's gotta have jewelry! Go check out www.SeizedPropertyAuctions.com. They had everything from art to diamond necklaces... a little something for everyone. Registration is free.

Despite my mother's nagging voice in my head, I am determined to have the things in life that I want. The last couple of weeks have made it abundantly clear that tomorrow or your perception of it, is not promised. We need to make the most of each day and live it like it's the last.

This is what I intend to do... I want everyone to do the same. Call that friend you've been meaning to... take that pottery class you've been talking about...book that trip... You only live once!

Anything worth doing is worth doing well!

Back in the Swing...Kinda

2005-09-21T18:49:00.000-05:00

Hi all. Yes... the rumors are true... I'm back from vacation and have hit the ground running.
Why is it when you come back from vacation that there are 50 MILLION things that need your attention?

Would you believe that HipChick was dumb enough to go back to work the day after she got back from vacation? I can't believe it either! THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

Anyways, the vacation was...in a word....AWESOME! I had a wonderful time doing all the things I love to do...gamble, take photos, and shop! Not in that particular order, mind you. There is something to be said for a place you can go where everything is done for you short of wiping your ass. I will admit...I was spoiled....I totally loved it!

I have not had a chance to develop the photos from the trip yet. I have some amazing shots! Think iguanas... in the heart of the Mayan jungle! What the hell have I been doing? Well, I've been working... and shopping. On my vacation I had the opportunity to purchase several works of art from Park West Gallery. I purchased 3 works of art, 2 pieces by Slava Brodinsky and one by an artist named Groban. The picture is one of Brodinsky's other works...this is not the painting I bought. I love the way he plays with the light...very striking... and the colors work real well with the living room furniture which is a moss green.

I have always loved art, and since I have moved into the villa the walls have been naked. So upon my return to the mainland, I began in earnest trying make the villa look a little more lived in. To do that, a girl must go shopping! So I've been shopping for more furniture and more art. I managed to put up a few pieces and the place is starting to take on a more sophisticated, grown-up quality! The villa is really coming together and I can not wait to get the rest of the art on the walls!

So that' s what I've been doing this last week and a half... I fully expect to be back to blogging now... can't wait to see what everyone has been up to!

Shit, I forgot I have to go to Home Depot!

Gone To The Land Of Swallows

2005-09-02T06:58:00.000-05:00

I'm off... off spending the next 9, count'em 9 days on vacation!

Picture sun and fun sipping umbrella drinks and calling every passing waiter "Garcon" or "Jeeves"!

I'll be spending the much deserved time off in Cozumel! I've been there before and absolutely love it there. I could go there and live...

I plan to take mass quantities of pictures and I'm really hopping to capture something like this photo here...

I'll be relaxing and doing the spa thing as well as looking for cute cabana boys!

So everyone enjoy the holiday weekend... stay safe and whatever you do.... don't get caught on tape!

Searching For The Perfect T-Shirt

2005-08-31T21:43:00.000-05:00

Thanks to The Blonde and Independentgrl, I've become obsessed with finding the perfect t-shirt. Not just any t-shirt... but the perfect tee to offend the masses and shock people. I've been searching for a while and I think I found one of many shirts that express just a wee bit of what I'm thinking and feeling.

This is just one of many shirts to come...I may have to get some of them custom made, but by dammit, so be it! I think folks that wear outrageous shirts are real pioneers! Nothing better to break the ice or get a gal noticed than a shirt that says something quirky or slightly offensive.

I could sit and think of shit to put on shirts all day... and as I think about all the people I've come across in the blogsphere I really get inspired! Here's what I came up with for a few of my favorite bloggers...

ThatGirl's shirt would say, " Dude...Skilled!"

Independentgrl's would say. " Are You Really 5'9?

My new friend Marriedman's would say, " I'd Rather Have A Rim Job!"

The Blonde's shirt would say,"REAL Cowgirls Ride REVERSE!"

See what I mean... I could go on and on... but now it's your turn...

I want to see what you come up with... everything is fair game... and PLEASE... no holds barred!

What would your t-shirt say? Oh, boy, I can't wait!

Forward?

2005-08-29T21:25:00.000-05:00

How do you know when it's over?

When it's over you no longer call each other 6 times a day. You no longer stop by and visit. You no longer email. No strange!

So if you were dating someone but broke up, would you still send that person emails... forwards to be more exact? Is it weird to include someone you're no longer involved wih in a forward of any kind?

This is the burning question that I posed to my pit mates this morning. I opened up my Yahoo mail account to see a forward form The Chef.

I'm thinking "OMG, what the f*ck does he want?" so I open his e-mail and have a look see... I see one of those "inspirational" emails entitled..."Daddy's Empty Chair".

How the hell does this pertain to me?

First... I'm not a man....second I don't have any kids... third...you never sent me forwards when we where "dating", so what gives?

The general consensus is that this is merely a ploy to keep the lines of communication open. As 'Chell stated, it's the wuss way out to try and communicate with you without actually growing some balls and calling you."

This isn't the first incidental forward from him. I got one a couple of weeks ago with another forward...I could totally be making a big deal out of nothing BUT if you weren't interested in seeing someone anymore why send them an e-mail?

Another pit mate ( new to this particular area of real estate) asked IF this email nonsense was a ploy to get re-acquainted WOULD I be interested. I had to think for a minute because I had not honestly even considered it a possibility. Who goes back to the person that shows you they can't or won't do what you've asked of them? I'm thinking The Chef would have needed to undergo a major life-altering change in a few short weeks. The odds of such are pretty slim.

On the flip side, this could be perfectly normal in the world of dating but it freaks me out... I think it's more than a little unusual. Maybe this is because when I let you go... YOU ARE GONE! I sever the ties... but I want to know what others feel about this.

Is it ok to email ex's with forwards and other crap if you just recently broke up? If you engage in this practice, what is the motivation behind it? Discuss.

Share your thoughts!

Somebody Stole My Sofa!

2005-08-24T21:12:00.000-05:00

The IT guy in my office wears shirts... all kinds of shirts. Some of them cool some of them... not so much. Today he was wearing a shirt that gave me vertigo just looking at him walk by!

Must I shop for everyone?

His shirt looked like he stole someone's sofa and made a shirt. What's funny is that he actually thought he looked "cool" wearing his loveseat. I don't mean to rag on the IT guy... he's new and trying to find his way but I wish he would consult someone before he leaves the house in the morning, he's killing me!

Imagine a shirt that looked something like this:

I'm always giving the IT guy shit about his shirts... it makes the day go by more quickly. He can never tell if I'm insulting him or giving him a compliment... neither can I most times. But I do think it's funny that he thinks he's so "cool in his sofa-shirt!

Ha Ha Ha!

Tag... I'm It!

2005-08-19T16:31:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by my favorite Texas superhero... Brighton. This is my first time being tagged so I will try not to muck it up!

1. What is the ratio of sexy panties to granny panties currently in your possession?

I went through a "granny panty" transition about 2 years ago... I'm a thong whore so I'd say maybe 8:1 is about right.

2. Pretend you won one of those "make your dream come true" deals that Oprah is always giving away... what would you ask for?

I'd ask for a supporting role in a movie with an A-list celebrity.

3. Describe your high school days in one word. Slow!
I was the girl that did my own thing. I had associates in all crowds but never really was solid with any particular group. I came into my own in college!(shut up... I know it said one word!)

4. If you could shag any celebrity in the world, who would be your top three picks?

Terrence Howard (Crash)~ He is too hot for words!
Gary Dourdan (CSI)~ I get creamy just looking at him!
Matthew McConnaughey~ He's #1 on my "white men to do" list!

5. If you had all the money in the world... more than you could ever spend in four lifetimes... would you eat some??

No but I would sew cute little shirts with it and put them in frames or hide it library books!

6. Tag Three People... Okay... I tag...

Independentgrl

ThatGirl

Jasika

Nadz

Drunk Dials and Miami Soundmachine...

2005-08-17T20:43:00.000-05:00

I've been getting a lot of calls lately. Calls from the Kennedy Center, calls from this company in Florida wanting me to consolidate my student loans ( thanks, got it covered), and random calls from Quebec. These calls can be annoying because these people 4-5 times per day. I've asked to be taken off their call lists but I still get calls from these companies... it's very annoying!

But every now and again I get the crazy, off-the-hook call. Whether it is at 9am on a Saturday morning or at 9:30 at night, I can ALWAYS count on ThatGirl to call with with some craziness.
Do you know this crazy broad just called me singing Miami Soundmachine! Picture this:

HC: "Hello?"

TG: "Come on shake your body baby do that Conga..."

HC: "WTF?"

TG: "Hey, you'll never guess what they're playing here"

HC: "Are you drunk?"

TG: "I'm eating Chex mix out of a hotel cup"

TG: "Come on shake your body baby do that Conga..."

HC: "Interesting"

TG: "I just videotaped a woman wearing plaid..."

HC: "Are you drunk?"

TG: "Yeah, audioblogger is down... I need it to be fixed right now..."

TG: "Come on shake your body baby do that Conga..."

If TG is anything, she is consistent! During this "conversation" I can not help but laugh my ass off at the constant hilarity she provides. I only get drunk dials from TG but when I do they always manage to make me laugh and shake my head!

Now I've got that damn song in my head... "Come on shake your body baby do that Conga..."

Damn!

Merry Go Round...Of Life

2005-08-12T21:12:00.000-05:00

Often I feel as if I'm presented with the same scenarios over and over in life and just as I've gotten older I wonder at the meaning of it. Do we get presented with the same life lessons over again if we never learned the lesson the first go around? I'm beginning to think we do but I only just now realized it!

What happens if we are so stuck in the same pattern of doing what we always do, that we can't break the cycle, and stop the insanity? I worry about not being able to learn from my mistakes and having to repeat the same scenarios over again. Who wants to feel like they never get it? While part of me loathes the idea of having to re-learn life's lessons, there is another part of me that doesn't want to sit out on the sidelines of life because I might miss an important lesson the first go round.

Over the years I have been good at living... living vicariously through friends as they go through their life drama. I have been good at trying not to make the same mistakes I saw others make... because I saw how much it devastated, how hard it was to rebuild some semblance of normalcy. I have pretty much remained "untouched" by true drama. I don't know if that's good or bad. Oh, there have been snippets, here and there, but nothing of the magnitude of others in the circle of friends. While I was always been supportive and non-judgmental, I never wanted to be where the other person was.

Having remained somewhat unscathed, leads me to whole different set of worries. Will my life "drama" come later because I haven't yet experienced the storm? While everyone else is having it finally all come together, will I be falling apart? If so, then it will it be that much more difficult for me to get through it because everyone else has been there and done that and is not looking to deal with going down that road again.

I know that I have no desire to create drama for drama's sake, I also know I don't want every day to be Ground Hog Day either. Do we ever just get it or is life a continuous merry-go-round that we stay on until we puke and pass out trying to get off?

Welcome To Haloscan!

2005-08-12T09:12:00.000-05:00

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Different Love Languages

2005-08-11T14:51:00.000-05:00

I have figured out my "love language."

I have also figured out why The Chef and I didn't work out.

But first, what's this love language stuff?

I recently read a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book is an excellent read and is a must have for anyone that wants to understand themselves or their loved ones. The book discusses that we each have a primary love language that we use to show those around us that we love and care for them.

The 5 Love Langauges are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Receiving Gifts
3. Quality Time
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Oftentimes we don't speak the same love language as our partners or loved ones. But not to worry, even if we don't speak the same love language, we can learn to by understanding how the important people in our lives express love.

I learned that my love language is "Quality time." If you want to express love and speak my language, then spend time with me. Simple, huh?
The Chef's love language is "Acts of Service." He expressed love by performing various acts of service to those in his life. The reason we didn't work out is because we didn't speak the same love language, and although he didn't speak my love language... he didn't seem interested in trying to learn it either.

So we didn't make it.

I am not angry, I'm not even bitter... in fact I feel it was a complete learning experience and further prepared me for the one that will come along that will speak my language or will eagerly learn it.

Go out and find you love language. Get a better, deeper understanding of yourself... and those around you.

What's you're love language?

I Was Kissed By Kelly Bell

2005-08-09T09:23:00.000-05:00

It's what every self-proclaimed groupie strives for... to be kissed by the lead singer of the band.

I was hugged and definitely kissed by my favorite blues singer... Kelly Bell. Life is definitely good.

Friday evening at the Can Company in Canton. Sitting outside Kiss Cafe watching the "best Blues band in Baltimore" play is how the evening began. It was sunny and hot, weather just right for the blues. KBB is playing, Shell and I have great seats, and I have decided to take pictures of the bands performance.

Out of nowhere storm clouds roll in, it gets dark and the rain POURS down on us. I can not believe this... it was just sunny and hot! We watch as others run into Kiss Cafe to escape the rain and the band does its best to secure the equipment.

Shell and I both stand under an umbrella with others watching the torrential downpour and laughing at the craziness of it all. Soon the others make a bee line for the inside and we are alone under the umbrella...which we soon find out has a hole as it begins to leak on my head.

We continue to comment on the randomness of the event thus far and lo and behold I see him.

Kelly Bell...wearing a wife-beater... drenched, dripping and walking over towards the equipment van. He spots me and makes a bee line over to our umbrella.

Without a word he envelopes me in an embrace and plants a wonderful kiss on my cheek! I almost passed out!

What the hell? Ok, I'll take it!
In those few magical seconds, I took it all in... his dreds... his wet skin... his scent... committing every last drop to memory for an eternity!

We hang out chatting under the umbrella for several minutes and he leaves us to go back to helping the rest of the band secure the sound equipment.

I have just died and gone to HEAVEN!

I guess I really am a groupie now!

Oh What A Feelin.. Toyota!

2005-07-31T14:54:00.000-05:00

I am HipChick.

This is my car!

My NEW car!

Yes, that's right, I took the big plunge yesterday and purchased my first Toyota!

Solara, that is! I have had my eye on this vehicle for quite awhile but had no plans to purchase it. The recent car troubles have necessitated the need for drastic measures and my new car purchase.

Woohoo! I feel like such a big kid right now... of course this is after spending all afternoon and most of the evening on Saturday at Toyota of Bowie with my great salesman... Mark Sands. Mark helped me rule out the hot new Scion tC and got me into my 2006 Solara... in Desert Sand Mica.

I test drove the Scion tC... it's definitely a HOT car but after driving a Neon for 5 years, I wanted to sit a little higher off the ground. The Scion is great if you want to regain your lost youth with a sporty coupe at an affordable price.

I also test drive the Solara SE... I have to say that this car even with a 4 cyl. engine MOVES. I decided on the 4 cyl. instead of the v6 because of my own driving habits... with my lead foot the v6 was more trouble than I need or want! The 4 cyl. does come with a DOHC ( dual or double overhead cam- for the automotive challenged) 2.4 liter engine... hey, this is all HipChick needs... a little speed with out having to turn off the AC to get up a hill. All you folks driving 4 cyl. SOHC ( single overhead cam) cars know what I'm talking about. Mark didn't seem to mind either that I wanted to "run it out" on the test drive. Mark was the coolest car salesman I've every had the pleasure of working with. Really! Go buy a car from him even if you DON'T live in the area!

Like my Dad always told me..."you need to stay away from the picture-takers" i.e. COPS! So no V6. She rides like a dream, handles great, and has tinted windows and a moonroof! I'm over the moon just now about this purchase. I finally feel life life is coming together now.

So the car saga has ended. I feel bit more grown up with my grown up car... a major grown up purchase.

So all I need now is a part-time job so I can drive the car and still go SHOE-shopping! I think I hear Target calling....

5 Miles To The Dealership...

2005-07-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

Damn! It happened. My car has "given up the ghost" so to speak.
I'm driving home from a client's house... on the hottest day of the year, and the AC just stops.

No flashing lights, no sirens, no loss of power... it just died. Now there are some reading this that will say " her shit was on it's last leg anyway, what's the big deal?"

I say to them, " yes, yes it was! But I didn't think it would stop today... of all days."

So I am now driving without air conditioning. This blows worse than having no car at all. At least with no car you can bum a ride with somebody with AC.

As I was driving to the closest place with AC... I began to think about the future unloading of my current vehicle. This current event has pushed the pending purchase date ever so much closer... to RIGHT NOW!

I'm a wuss, I can't deal... I need a late model sedan ( preferably coupe) NOW! Two days ago even! I need air!

So I have begun the search for a new vehicle... my current jitny has served its purpose and is now tired... she needs a rest... she can't stop leaking oil and she can no longer cool herself (or me, which is infintely more important, dammit!) so she must be put down!

As I am fanning myself at a stoplight... needing a shower and some dry clothing, I look up to see a billboard for a Toyota dealership... 5 miles up ahead....

I'm on my way....

I Have Exorcised The Demons!

2005-07-20T23:02:00.000-05:00

I can be mean. I can be real mean (TG, say one thing and I will kill you!). But I don't like to be. I feel less than human, out of control even. It is not a good look for me. I am better than that. I am better than him! I don't want to be like "him." Never like him!

I am also one of those people that lets shit simmer and fester...until I can't stand it anymore. Then I let it all go...and let everyone else take cover.

Why do I do this, why operate in this manner?

I see it as giving other people a chance to get their shit together... one more chance to show me they are NOT idiots that they should have been cast off after the first fuck up. I don't ever want it to be said that, "HipChick never gave me a chance!" Oh no! Everyone gets a couple of chances. Meanwhile, I am watching those I give chances to fuck up... again.

Then I have to let go... because of the simmering, festering thing... I can not hold it in, try as I might. I just can't.

"But HipChick, everyone fucks up, even you!"

"I know, I fuck up a lot...and believe me I hate it when I do it just as much as when you do it... no one is spared the wrath...not even me!"

"Lighten up, HipChick!

" Kiss my ass!"

Anyway, when I let go I feel so much better, even though I completely dumped on another person...that fucked up!

I know this post is rambling but I have to say these things.

I have been out of sorts in my personal life. I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I want out of life and what I want it to be relationships-wise. I thought I had said everything I needed to say but I found I wasn't finished... that I needed to let the person know every detail, every issue, every fucked up comment that I let slide ( can you believe I let some slide?) before I found my heart was truly clear.

After I was done...I felt free! It feels so wonderful not to have to hold it in one more day!

Am I the only one that holds things inside until I can no longer hold them?

Liquid Summer Festival: "Getting Home From Graceland"

2005-07-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

KBB actually played over their time.... hell yeah! Unfortunately they stopped just as they were getting into "Homegrown." Storm clouds begin to move in and the sun, that had been present for all of their performance up until then, had disappeared!

We had come to see KBB at Liquid Summer. Mission accomplished. We had gotten the requisite KBB stickers (free at every show), I had purchased 2 t-shirts (1 tank top, 1 shortsleeve) which I plan to make Kelly sign at the next KBB show, and we had danced and "put our booty on the floor."

It was time to go home.

We began to make the trek back to Fells Point proper to hail the necessary cab back to Canton. We're walkin', walkin', walkin until we hitched a ride with a guy(driving a pick-up truck) that we partied with at the festival.

"Oh thank you semi-weird guy from the festival. Sure, you can give us a ride to our cars."

Independentgrl and I pile into his pick-up truck and we make our way back to the garage in Canton.

"Thanks again semi-weird guy. We'll see you at the next KBB show, right?

"You bet!"

"Great, and thanks a bunch!"

With those parting words, we all made our way home from Liquid Summer, feeling fulfilled, feeling spent, and looking forward to next KBB experience.

Good times, indeed!

Liquid Summer Festival: "Dancin', Dancin', Dancin'!"

2005-07-17T08:56:00.000-05:00

Oh the things that you'll see when you mix music and alcohol.

Funny stuff, indeed!

The funniest thing we saw was this guy dancing to KBB music. I mean, this guy was obviously a fan. The way he moved was indescribable..., mezmerizing even! Completely hysterical. He was dancing like crazy in his own special way... with a beer in his hand!

"What's so funny about that?"

What was so funny about this is that while he was dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld, he was spilling beer all over the place and especially his feet! I've never seen anyone dance like that... ever! Dude was definitely in the zone! He had eyes closed, moving in circles and looking very intense! He must have spilled beer on himself about 20 times!

Who could blame him? He was a KBB fan, he was there to party with KBB. I can understand this. I am a self-proclaimed groupie myself.

But it was still the FUNNIEST thing seen at the festival.

Good times!

word of advice~ bring a camera so you can capture all the funny stuff on film!

Liquid Summer Festival: "I Feel Every Rock!"

2005-07-17T08:05:00.000-05:00

Independentgrl and I failed to bring lawnchairs to this event. Hell, we failed to know that there was a parking garage in Fells...or here's an even better one.... we failed to know there was actual parking at the event.

We know now!

Having failed to bring this necessary item, we were doomed to stand around while watching the bands play. While waiting for the Kelly Bell Band to set up, we finally broke down and sat on one of the inflatable games they had standing around... it think it was football.

"you can't sit on the game, we're about to start play." Ok, pal, I get it ... movin' on. Next caller!

Damn, foiled!

After play was finished, we walked back over to the inflatable game and parked out asses on that ohh so good inflatable plastic! It felt so good... we didn't even care that it was wet! it just felt good to sit. Especially after walking in circles in Fells Point.

In comes event staff gustapo.... "You can't sit on the games."

Fucking-A, dude would you just gimme a break!

Damn, foiled again!

IG and I go back to the band area to await the KBB ( groupies are dedicated if nothing else). Finally IG breaks down and tells me she going to sit on the wet gravelly ground using her umbrella as a buffer. I look at her umbrella, this is a posiblity for her since she has an average size umbrella.

I look at my sucksass umbrella and think, "it will have to do, at least until KBB is ready to play."
So we plop our asses down on umbrellas for a few moments of respite.

Maybe 10 minutes later Independentgrl looks over at me and says, "I may have to stand up... I can't take much more of this. I feel every rock not to mention the piece of pole up my ass!"

I wanna laugh my ass off but I can't cause I've got gravel in mine too! Thank God, we didn't have to wait much longer for KBB!

2 minutes later we'd had enough and both got up...Thanks to my sucksass umbrella, I not only felt every rock... I also had WET ASS!

Oh well, KBB is warming up... wet ass is good... wet ass is good.

I looked at a couple behind me and said, "wet ass is good, right?"

Their reply was, "wet ass is very good!"

Yeah!

word of advice~ bring a lawnchair to the festival.

Liquid Summer Festival: "Aww Come On, Meathead!"

2005-07-17T07:25:00.000-05:00

Arrival at the festival, there was no rain... but it was muggier than hell. Turnout was dismal for a Fells Point function. I have to attribute this to the rain. There is no other way to explain it. But HipChick and Independentgrl have arrived so let the games begin!

We immediately move ourselves in the direction of the current band playing, Jah Works. Excellent band, very good and one of IG's favorites. Honestly, it took a minute for me to adjust seeing a group of white guys performing reggae... but they rocked!

On our way to the music, IG spots a couple of meathead guys... you know the ones. They spend there entire lives in the gym pumping iron and feeling the "burn." They also look like they're on the juice... you know the ones!

One meathead in particular has sparked my interest. Why because he is wearing glasses! I am sure you're thinking,"what the hell does that have to do with anything?" You had to see this guy! He looked like the Hulk with Woody Allen spectacles... it was TOO FUNNY! Meathead was also wearing "cropped" sweatpants... as hot as it was!

"Aww come on Meathead, YOU CAN'T LOOK LIKE A MEATHEAD AND WEAR GLASSES! At least get some contacts to complete the look! And don't wear sweatpants on a hotass day to a festival... you FREAK!

word of advice~Change your gym clothes before you come to the festival.

Liquid Summer Festival: "In More Ways Than One"

2005-07-17T07:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the maiden run of the Liquid Summer Festival in Fells Point yesterday.

Being newbies at this festival thing... IG and I parked in Canton and taxied ourselves to Fells. First time I hailed a cab in the city...ever! I felt Like Carrie Bradshaw! But not before we had a cabbie of African descent mumble something about eyes and being from around "here"... whatever dude just drive the fucking cab already! This was after a much discussed decision about whether to even attend with the torrential downpours that had been happening all day. But HipChick, ever the pioneer, decided the KBB was worth a few raindrops!

The weather was horrible and NO ONE in Fells seemed to know where this festival was supposed to be happening. In Fells Point, this is completely weird 'cause Fells is one of the "drinking meccas" of Baltimore city.

It was something straight out of The Truman Show... we visited several popular Fells Point establishments...Soundgarden...The Daily Grind and NO ONE could tell us where the festival was happening. Nevermind it was happening right down the street! Finally we wandered into Trixie's Place and the lovely chick inside told us exactly where to go.

"Oh thank you shopgirl, I shall remember you in my will."

I will attempt to tell the story of the festival using snappy headings and separate postings... cause you'll get more out of it this way... and hell, it amuses me to do so.

Johns Come, Johns Go....

2005-07-08T19:37:00.000-05:00

I recently received an e-mail from a guy I went to high school with. He sent the e-mail via Classmates.com and stated that I should "hit him up sometime" and included his cell number. Now this guy was kinda cool and we had several of our classes together all throughout high school.
I was in no way, shape or form as hip as I am now, so the fact that this guy even remembers me at all scores him points.

I decide this afternoon to give him a call. I leave a breathless message and he calls right back!
We chat for over an hour and catch up on what each has been doing since high school. My story was a lot more raucous than his (hey, they don't call me HipChick for nothin'!) but it was good to tell it anyway!

I failed to ask him any of the usual questions... you know kids, wife, pets etc...'cause I don't really give a shit, but I did ask about his interests. Golf, music- producing and playing, and working with adolescents. Wow! I was kind of surprised... cause this guy was always the meat-head type in high school (that was mean...I know).

Hey, maybe this is someone I can hang out with... that will like to DO things besides sit on his ass and/or sleep. Is this someone who wants to enjoy life? I need a hangin' partner, man! So I tell this guy to give me a call sometime so we can hang out...We shall see.

Incidentally, his name is John... and so is the Chef's!

I guess when you're a call girl...Johns come, Johns go!

Ha!

I Have A Pimp, His Name is Sam...

2005-07-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

Today I spent the entire day in US District Court. I have been selected as a juror for the entire month of July. I'm the govt's call girl for jury service. Call me, I come to the designated time and place and I perform my duty. There is only one problem with being the call girl for Uncle Sam...

When the Uncle Sam is your pimp you NEVER get your money up front!

Anyone that knows anything about being an escort knows the first order of business is to get your money up front. So it really bothers me that I must be on-call and not get paid until some time in the future. I mean, I'm doing all the work, I'm making the sacrifices. Hell, I'm faking it to get the job done!

As my luck would have it, I was chosen to sit on a jury for a case (details to come after the trial) and will be going to court for the remainder of the week and possibly into the next depending on the deliberations.

Ain't life grand!

I could think of a million things I'd rather be doing than sitting in the jury box this week. But I guess I'll be a call girl for Uncle Sam...this week.

Independence Day- Says Who?

2005-07-04T16:41:00.000-05:00

Today is July 4th.. Independence Day.. but I don't feel free. I am shackled to the famliy unit for sun, fun, and grilling. What's not to love about this you ask? Well the fact that my Mom can be a a bit neurotic, it's hot as shit outside, and I'm just not in the mood!

What would be an ideal situation? What would be the perfect day?

Well, the perfect Independence Day for me would be sitting in an aire conditioned room with a big screen TV, munching on grilled burgers and steak (grilled lovingly by Jeeves the butler) , and watching all my favorite movies. That would be a perfect day. Of course, in between movies I'd engage in urbane conversations with friends and family while sipping chilled glasses of my favorite chardonnay or Berry Wine.

It's all about the independence factor...which today is sadly missing from this days festivities. I could scream! Shouldn't I be celebrating the fact that I am now INDEPENDENT from the parental units? Shouldn't I be having it MY WAY? Don't get me wrong. I love the fam, I just don't want to be bothered today. Maybe I am going against the proverbial grain by not wanting to celebrate the holiday because society says that I should.

Maybe the heat is making me crabby, maybe I'm just not into July 4th festivities. I can honestly say it is the one holiday that I could care less about...I can take it or leave it. I never want to do anything on July 4th, the thought of entertaining people...friend, family or acquaintance... is enough to make me want to slit my wrists. This may seem a bit harsh to some...GET OVER IT!...Besides, if you had a dollar for everytime I wanted to slit my wrist...you'd be rich.

Honestly, to me Independence Day is a day that I just want to veg out. You know, be still like vegatables.. lie like broccoli (line from Pretty Woman- a fav!). That 's how I choose to express MY independence.

The Notebook

2005-07-02T20:19:00.000-05:00

What an awesome movie! I just finished watching it on dvd and what an amazing love story. I see things like that and I still believe there's hope for the rest of us. Will any of us ever know the type of love that spans across time and space?

Sometimes I think "No, no we will not" and other times I think "maybe, just maybe".

We are looking for the perfect fit... into our lives, our hearts. What happens to those of us that don't find the perfect fit? Do we alter the shape of our lives and hearts so that another can fit or do we just move to the next"puzzle piece" hoping the next person will fit into our designated space?

Opinions differ. Some will repeat the words of Kelly Bell Band, " I'm movin on." Others will use the words of Al Green, "Let's stay together". It's a crapshoot, and I'm a bettin' woman!

Oh but to find a love like Noah and Allie's... is the stuff of movies. I'm not sure it exists in real life, and if it does then it only happens to folks I don't know.

"I have traveled across oceans of time to find you"
-Bram Stoker's Dracula

All I know is I want that kind of love!

Death Of A Chef

2005-06-25T11:40:00.000-05:00

"What happened? What went wrong?"

These are the questions I ask myself as I rouse myself from sleep this morning. This was also my last waking thought last night as I drifted off to sleep. Yesterday was my 31st birthday. It was a good day. I had "Pie Day" at work... apple pie from the Pie Guy!" I had an early dinner and drinks with friends, and my phone rang non-stop all day with calls from friends near and far wishing me a "Happy Birthday" on my special day. As my phone rang with endless calls, there was a call that I did not receive... a call from the Chef.

Ok let me clarify... I actually received 2 calls from the Chef... BUT NOT ONE, NOT ONE F*CKIN' CALL WAS TO WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Asshole! Oh, yeah call me to shoot the shit, but no happy birthday? Give me a f*ckin' break!

So here it is... the weekend of my birthday... we have no plans together, he did not call to even wish me "happy birthday", and he knew it was my birthday, he made other plans that didn't involve me.

He had the audacity to call me this morning to tell me he called me back but he didn't want to tell me happy birthday in a message!

"Uhm... excuse me... so it was better to not send wishes at all? Better yet...you could have given them one of the of other 2 times you phoned! And don't try to back bill with that baldface lie!
I am NOT a fucking idiot!"

I am trying very hard not to scream and spit a littany of profanity!

I am very hurt and angry because this feels like complete disrespect AND a slap in the face! I don't expect a great deal from people, I have learned that when you expect things you get disappointed. And this is definitely one of those times.
But in this situation, IS IT too much to expect the guy you're dating to do something special on your special day? Oh please, tell me if I am making too much of this, if I am over-reacting! Far be it from me to submit to a female fit of pique without proper cause!

I intend to get an explanantion! I want to hear EVERY possible reason why. I will listen and I will not interrupt. I will not fly into a rage. I will not raise my voice. I will give my undivided attention.
THEN... I will tell him EXACTLY how I feel. I will go on to enlighten him about the type of partner I'm looking for in a relationship.

At this point... I have already made my decision.

Tonight I will be having a few close friemds over to the villa for some snacks and a few hands of cards... nothing major. But I will be surrounded by people that WANT to be a part of my life.

The Chef did not receive an invitation, hell, he already had other plans... he f*cked up!

Oh well! His loss... not every man is ready for PRIMETIME, with the HipChick!

As Another Year Goes By...

2005-06-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

I realized I'm getting older.

It isn't a frightening thought, it's just something I've actually had time and was still enough to give some thought to. I still feel like a young girl of 16... I still feel optimistic about life and love. I never want to be one of those people that "feels old." I truly believe that you are only as young as you feel! I wanna always feel young and youthful.

Tomorrow I'll be turning another year older and I wonder why society wants to put us into these little compartments.

"Oh, you're 30, you can't do such and such anymore. Why are you still doing that, you did that when you were 20-something... are still doing that?"

Who says I still can't enjoy the things I did when I was 20-something? Especially since now I can afford to really enjoy those things? It's crazy!

I don't want to be put into box and stuck on a shelf... in a corner..."No one puts Baby in a corner!"

Just because I'm getting older doesn't mean my life is stopping. For me it seems as though it's only getting started, as if I'm just beginning to learn the rules of play, as if I'm finally beginning to live.

Damn, all of those folks that believe life is all down hill after 30... you don't have a clue!
While you're waiting to die, I'll be living, loving, and enjoying every sinful momemt!

Life is Good!

Highly Annoyed

2005-06-16T22:53:00.000-05:00

Today I was highly annoyed... I woke up annoyed and it just carried over into the rest of my day. I read my email...which is a running joke in my office, and became even more annoyed by one of the emails there. This did not lighten my disposition one bit... if anything it made me want to slap a bitch! any bitch! especially that bitch!

Why am I so annoyed... well a few reasons...
1. Everyone expects everything fucking yesterday... two days ago.
2. I'm expected to know the rules without being told... how the hell does this work?
3. I'm supposed to smile and nod when things aren't right... for the other person or the greater good.
4. I'm always expected to make the sacarifice (or at least I feel I am.)
5. I'm not supposed to be angry about... any of it... I should just take it on the chin!

I get real tired of this at times...

One of these days I'm going to tell everyone to piss off (hell, who am I kidding? fuck off!) and not be the real nice, sometimes abrasive ( ok, TG!), BUT always real chick. I often need to reign myself in because no one would like me if I said everything that came into my head... from my mother to one of the bosses at work. Needless to say I try not to be ruled by my ID 'cause I'd probably be unemployed, friendless, and homeless.

But once...just once I'd love for #1-5 to be the exception and not the rule. I'd love to tell someone screaming "hurry, hurry" to kiss my ass!

I'd love to play mind games with the people that love to play mind games. ONLY BETTER AND LONGER!

I wanna say, " hell no" when shit is twisted and people want me to play along.

I wanna say, " sorry can't do it, I don't know what to tell ya".

And once... just once... I want to be able to explode with all the rage and anger I feel so that everyone will know just how bad my anger can be, and they will remember it, and act accordingly.

I STILL WANNA SLAP A BITCH!

The Highlight To An Otherwise Stressful and Random Week

2005-06-13T21:47:00.000-05:00

Well boys and girls...This tale is about what happens when bloggers get together for blogtinis.

Friday 6/9/05

It's around 2:30 pm... ThatGirl has worked and irritated the last nerve of my last nerve...I am highly annoyed by her... I let her know it... She calls me grumpy, I am secretly calling her "stupid TG" ( guess it's not a secret anymore).

We hang up.
I am still annoyed.

1 hour later... it's her...AGAIN, with the same damn conversation we just had an hour ago. I am ready to slit my wrists, slap her, and "bail" as she affectionately put it.

I resist the urge...breathe, phone Independentgrl to ensure her attendance for the night's activities... and get into another verbal sparring match with TG.
She always has to have the last word! I am having 2 conversations at once. IG is laughing b/c she doesn't have to ask who I'm talking to on the other phone...she knows.

"Fine, fine, 5:30 M&S Grill, I'll be there.

I arrive at 5:45 due to nondrivers in the city and park,walk over to the spot.

TG is there at the bar already with drink in hand (almost finished I might add)... a MANGO MARTINI. I order one as well and we go grab a table to accommodate the throng of bloggers soon to be in our midst.

IG is next to arrive and she too orders a MANGO MARTNI. They are like the nectar of the gods! I would say they are on par wih the famous Bonefish Grill's cadre of martini's! One of the best Martini I've had.

TG proceeds to run down AGAIN the night's line up of players...Emptyman + date, Jasika + friend, RC666+ and CS+ friend, Blue944 + long time friend. Yeah, yeah TG, I think I got it this time."

Empty is the first to arrive... looking nothing like I expected and being very funny... 'Hey I like this Empty guy... he's pretty cool!" Empty advises me NOT to attend law school.. something about not being able to play well with other people afterwards.

Thanks for the advice , Empty...I guess I do need to be able to play well with others.

Then Empty's date arrives. She seems nice, is wearing a smokin' pair of shoes (well, what do you want from me? check the sidebar dammit!) and all smiles...for Empty. They hang for a round or two but leave as Blue944 and friend arrive for dinner at The Bicycle . (I think)

Now here's where the story gets fuzzy...at this point I've had several MANGO Martinis and feeling pretty damn good at this point.

Blue944 arrives with longtime friend (LF)...totally unexpected... or maybe the time just flew by. But Blue944 was there... the man of the night. He makes an entrance and breezes in like he's known us all our lives... and it feels that way too.

Blue feels right at home and settles in to make me crack up laughing for the rest of the night! LF joined in too making me laugh hysterically and uproariously. I never met 2 funnier guys!

All of a sudden... I didn't want to slap TG... IG looked to be having a great time too... Blue944 was making me laugh again...Life is good!

Next, RC666 and crew arrive and our party is now taking up 3 round tables. By now Empty is sitting down to Calamari and a great bottle of red wine and RC666 and crew are ordering drinks and food. Their crew is much quieter...possibly feeling a little young with all the older adults chatting.

Finally Jasika and friend arrive. Whoa, Jasika is a knockout and looks like she should be on the cover of Italian or French Vogue. She is very exotic... with a beatiful smile! Her friend was pretty cute too with his mop of curly blond hair. Go Jasika!

A good time was had by all, the party moved to Howl at the Moon, IG and I said our goodnight's and made Blue promise he would come to Vegas.

CAN I TELL YOU HOW STOKED I AM FOR THIS VEGAS TRIP?

COME...COME TO VEGAS! IT WILL BE FUN!

Needless to say Friday night out with a few random bloggers was the highlight to an otherwise stressful and completely random week!

I loved it and had the best time. Wish I could have stayed out later.

Baby, All I Really Need Is a Little Bit..

2005-05-28T22:30:00.000-05:00

Damn, I hate to sound like a complainer. It makes me feel like a spoiled brat. I do not like it Sam- I -Am!

BUT...

I just need a little bit...Call it what ever you want:

lovin'
strange
shameless fun
cut
some

I just need a little bit but I aint gettin' any. Why? Because he "hadn't planned on it."

WTF?

What guy doesn't plan on gettin' some? I feel like smacking a bitch! Now I would be wrong if I called in the reserves. Some would say that isn't right, but damn, a girl has gotta have a plan B, doesn't she?

Didn't I say I needed the pipes cleaned at least twice a week?

Men don't listen.. or maybe it's just this guy!

Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 4

2005-05-28T21:40:00.000-05:00

Knowing what a big mistake Swiss made and hearing him say things were not what they should be validated my feelings of being right all along. The question I keep asking is...

Why? Why? Why?

2005... at the Villa

Swiss calls my house to get the scoop on the new digs and I tell him to stop by and see the place. He ofers to hang the art on the walls. (I love that I can count on him for things like that). He arrives giving me a great bear hug and indicating his pleasure at seeing me again. I return the hug and notice the fine cut of his clothes and the manly scent of his cologne. It feels good to be enveloped in his embrace.

I give him a tour of the Villa, he loves the airy spacious feel of the place and gives me the thumbs up. We sit down to chat and catch up, it's been a while since we've seen each other ( Swiss's birthday was the last time we hung out). I ask about new hobbies and interests that he is involved in and we get into a lengthy discussion about his passion... "timepieces." He goes on to tell me about the $1000 timepieces he owns and the $4000 timepiece he's eying currently.

$4000 for a fricking watch? You gotta be kidding me!

After a while I see what the timepieces have come to mean. They are his passion... a passion that replaced the one missing from the marriage. He uses them to fill the void that is ever present in his life. I guess if he surrounds himself with things...he can't concentrate on the parts that are missing. The parts that mean the most. It is so sad.

In the course of our conversation, he makes mention of waiting. THEN, he drops a BOMB.
"I REGRET GETTING MARRIED! I SHOULD HAVE WAITED, IF I HAD WAITED, I WOULD NOT HAVE MARRIED THE PERSON I MARRIED." When I asked about, who and what he thought would be diferent, he looked at me and said, " YOU, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU."

The defense rests!

He then tells me that I should have tried to stop him, tried to talk him out of it. I reminded him tha he was very determined back then, and that anything I said would have seemed self-serving and selfish. I then reminded him of the conversation we had when I asked him "if he was sure this was what he wanted to do."

He's right, it should have been me, but this is what happens when people are afraid of what they feel, afraid to take a risk. Life becomes all about...

Regrets and "I told you so."

Reckless

2005-05-24T17:40:00.000-05:00

We decided to meet for happy hour. We hadn't seen each other in a while. We needed to catch up, see one another, reconnect. I meet him at his parent's house. We drove to Virginia to Chevy's for margaritas. We had several, talking, catching up, shots of tequila (him, not me). We stare at each other across the table, eyes saying things are mouths aren't. The tension is there, thick, like smoke, waiting to be cut like hot apple pie.

We leave the Chevy's, we get into his Jeep, he has seat warmers. Thank God! It's winter and his seats are leather. We glance at each other, I smile at him, feeling the warmth of the margaritas. He leans over while driving and kisses me like its the last time. We're driving on 395, on the highway. He is kissing me and steering the Jeep. We could crash any minute, but we don't because he trying to keep his eye on the road and his lips on mine. It's reckless, but it feels so good. I break the kiss, I don't want to end up down a ravine. He keeps his hands on me, it's like he can't live without my touch. I revel in the feeling of it.

We get back to his parents house, we turn on the TV. I plop into a nearby chair. He comes over to lean over me and gives another mind-blowing kiss. I can't get enough of them. Soon he's lifting me from the chair, he's reaching under my shirt unclasping my bra. We make our way to the bedroom, lips and hands are everywhere. Mindless, we both try to connect skin on skin. Whispering words of heated passion we touch every inch of each other. No spot is left neglected. He stops and caresses my face, as if trying to rememer this moment forever. He then kisses me ever so tenderly and says, " I love you (insert last name here).

Our coming together is the perfect storm. We bond as if we have come across oceans of time to find one another. It is dizzying and frightening at the same time. It is not just a coupling, but a mating.

author's note: the above mentioned interlude took place prior to 1999.

I've Arrived

2005-05-24T17:10:00.000-05:00

I DID IT!

I've finally finished my degree. 2.5 years of graduate school has ended with a Master's degree in education. I feel amazingley light today, knowing school is finished and there are no more papers to write. I feel amazingly free as I now have no after work obligations. It feels foreign, but damn good!

"What are you going to do now?" This was the question asked repeatedly.

Enjoy life and have some fun. Party with friends, see old friends, hang out, plan happy hours, play flip cup. You name it, I'll be doing it.

I love having nothing to look forward to, no obligations.

Life is good... Damn good!

Holla!

Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 3

2005-05-17T22:51:00.000-05:00

So now there is this kiss between us and I'm trying to act like I'm not affected by it but I am. The kiss was...incredible, like our kisses usually were. So much passion, it boggles the mind.

Anyway, a few weeks later, I'm throwing a small get together and have invited he and the wife. Suprisingly, they both attend and have a chance to meet some of my friends from the workplace. Cool! I'm playing hostess upstairs, where Swiss wanders to get a drink. He mentions everything is nice. I tell him I'm glad he came and brought the wife. I asked if she was having a good time. He said he "didn't care!"

Huh? what do you mean? "I'm here to support you." Oh, thanks. Friends are great, aren't they? As I walked be to open the fridge, he proceeds to grab me and give me another of those brief but incredible kisses! Again! You gotta be kidding me!

I look at him ( after I have recovered my composure, and surprise) and say, "You can't keep doing that, Swiss! What are you trying to prove?"
His reply, "I can't stop. I can't seem to help myself."
By this point I'm tittilated and alarmed at the same time.

We return downstairs with the other guests. A short time later I'm in the middle of a conversation with some of the old college crew and his wife does the unthinkable...
She completely embarrasses him by talking to him like he's a not a man, like a child. I was shocked, and embarrassed for him and I was not the only one who noted and commented on it later after they left. Yes, several people stated they would never understand why he married her. I kept my mouth shut!

Whoa! The wife completely disrepsected him, and he didn't say anything, but I know he was pissed. I also get the feeling that she was condescending like this frequently. It was almost as if she had no respect for him as a person, like she thought she was better.
Nice eye-opener into their relationship! How sad for him.

Swiss knows I love 50Cent, Jay-Z etc. When I told him I was going to the Rock Da Mic Tour concert at Nissan he shook his head but could tell I was really excited about this concert. 2 weeks before the concert he met me and best friend at a local club (in the parking lot) and whisked me off to another club. On the way there he told me he had a present for me.
"I have something for you, you're going to love it!" I am totally surprised and flattered... a gift.
Swiss gifted me with a big, black t-shirt with 50Cent on the front! I absolutely loved the shirt and still have it to this day. In the parking lot of another club, I give him a great big hug and thank him for thinking about me. "I knew you would love it." "I do, I really love it, thanks." In my pure excitement, I give him another hug and a kiss on his cheek. He stares at me intently for several seconds, caresses my cheek, and calls me a big "kid." Hey, 50Cent is HOT! everytime I see a picture I think, hot damn... but I digress.

Flash...2004

Starts off sour, I hate my job and have decided to leave at the end of June. But there's some drama there and I end up leaving in March anyway (thank G-d! cause someone would have found me in the bathroom with my wrist slit!) I get offered a job in Korea., among others. The money is great, it's for a year or two. I tell Swiss about the different job offers and especially about the job in Korea. I'm really considering this job because it involves travel and a different culture. I discuss all of this with him and he tells me, "you can't go to Korea for 2 years, I want you here. I want you here, where I can put my hands on you."
Insert smug grin here! I know he was telling me in his own (albeit machismo) way that he didn't want me to leave because he would miss me.

What was interesting about this conversation was that when I mentioned that a year or two wasn't that long, that I would be back, and that we could still communicate via e-mail... nothing would really change except my location, Swiss seemed sad. I hit him on the shoulder and teased, "besides you won't miss me at all, you'll probably have a couple of kids while I'm gone, you won't even notice that I'm not here!"
Swiss then informed me that the wifey had just entered a Ph D. program, there would be no children for at least 5 years. WTF? 5 years? You must be joking, they've already been married 5 years at this point. I ask if he's serious and was told yes. So, so sad!

Premonitions of the mistake of this marriage were confirmed when he said," Yeah, at least 5 years before any kids, and that's if I'm even still around in 5 years."

FUCKING-A!

I had never heard this type of talk before! I had to mentally check myself to make sure that I heard him right. When I called him on his comment, he stated that he didn't know if he'd still be married to her in 5 years. The reasons he gave were all the ones he had given previously and that they shared no passion (one I hadn't heard before). He said they were more like roommates than married. He said the issue wasn't their inability to get along because they did, but there was NO SPARK between them. He said there was nothing.

It must have taken everything he had to admit that to himself much less to me! At that point, I realized just how sad his existence was and it made me sad because....

it could have all been avoided.

Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 2

2005-05-13T18:07:00.000-05:00

Ahem... where was I? Oh, Ok!

So Swiss is now an old married guy. He is settling into the new house, having dinner with the in-laws... you know married people stuff. I give him some time to adjust to it all because, hell, it's an adjustment! I don't call etc. I figure he needs his space.

I send him a grad announcement for my BS and he calls me one day to say congrats. The air on the phone was quite charged, tense even. I think he felt unsure about whether I still counted him as friend even though he "punked out". But what could I do as his friend other than be there to support his decision? So I decided then and there to always keep things light.
So our friendship renews, all the while with an undercurrent of something...was it things left unsaid, I dunno, but all I knew now was that all we had left was our friendship so we needed to work on that. Being friends... married man, single woman. Nothing is ever easy though is it?

Skip to year 2001....

By now you would think things have settled down by now. Swiss, at this point is doing the exact same thing as a married guy that a single guy is... clubs, late nights. He is acting like a singe man! I ask one day about this and the reply I got was,"I'm a grown ass man, I do what I wanna do." Ok but what does the wifey say? His story was she didn't seem to mind. Whoa... Red flag! ( I know you're thinking at this point that this is just his male bullshit, but read on) Well the reason she didn't seem to mind was that she was in grad school, tutored etc. She was never home either. Well come to find out, they only really hung out on the weekends. This is not the normal habits of married couples is it?

He began to share details about their marriage and life together. Unsolicited details. I did NOT open up that can of worms! Maybe this was his way of getting it out without fear of what others might say. He could've easily shared these things with the best friend. He mentioned how marriage was not what he thought is was going to be. He never had sex. At this point I reminded him that he wasn't having oodles of sex BEFORE he got married! He stated he knew this but now it was nonexistent. At this point I'm feeling pretty smug ( OK, only a little) and I ask why did he get married if he knew what was it was going to be. His reply "I thought it would be different. I thought I'd having more sex."( With someone who doesn't like having sex all that much?) Amidst feeling smug, he goes on to tell me that he often tells her that she needs to "handle her bsusiness" i.e. have sex with him. I'm totally intrigued at this point. I hesitated and reluctantly asked how often he was having sex as a married guy. I did not want to seem like I was prying into a very personal part of his life. He told me maybe once every 2 weeks.

HOLY SHITBALLS, BATMAN!

At this point I'm feeling WAY SMUG but try not to show it. Instead, I offer some friendly encouragement. I tell him that things will pick up, they're still newlyweds and that he needed to tell her that he wanted more sex. He seemed to think the latter idea would do no good based on her actions prior to getting married. I let him know that he could make it work and I dropped the subject.

Beam to 2003...

I'm over at their house, just passing through on my way to a hair appointment, to stop by and say hey. He's there alone and shows me around the place to see the improvements made since my last visit. I see the big screen tv, the paintings on the wall etc. I listen to the plan he has etc. The house is coming together slowly. I would expect nothing less especially in the bourgeois neighborhood in which he resides. Checking the time and making leaving noises, I make my way to the front entrance to leave and the completely UNEXPECTED happens. As I turn to say goodbye, he calls me by my last name (a long-ime habit) and gives me the quickest but sweetest kiss I've ever had.

Whoa, hey, uh, umm, OK??????

I look at him and say bye while practically running to my car. WTF? What just happened is what I'm thinking to myself. So much for boundaries. What is going on, here? I try to think back on the past couple years... have I done something to make him think this is OK? Am I to blame, was it me? Was my shirt too tight or something? These are all the questions I'm throwing at myself as I drive to my stylist. 5 minutes later, my cell phone rings. It's Swiss on the end asking if he was "out of bounds". Damn right you are! I couldn't talk, I was so shocked by it all. I stammered a lot. The only thing I could manage to get out coherently was " It was just unexpected. I wasn't expecting it." I repeated this a few more times and he wanted to know if we were OK.... I guess ... wait a minute... hold on. He then proceeds to tell me he couldn't help himself, and rings off.

You can't kiss me like that (this is the tirade that's going of in my head)! Things are spinning out of control ( or at least they feel that way). It took me a few days to get over this incident. Prior to this, there had been nothing, nothing to indicate that our relationship was anything other than friends. He seemed to be fine with our reationship; it had slipped into a comfortable familiarity that made me believe that married and single people of the opposite sex could actually be friends.

Eventually time passed and the incident was not forgotten but was forgiven. Swiss and I were friends, surely we could get passed it.

Couldn't we???

Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 1

2005-04-30T12:49:00.000-05:00

An old friend, Swiss ( I call him that 'cause he's a watch fanatic) came to visit "the villa" (the name I've given my apt.). Now this old friend is from college, and is now married to his college sweetie (CS).
Here's some background.
In college, Swiss and his best friend from HS, and me and my 2 best friends all hung out together...constantly. We smoked doobies, drank Guinness and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, listened to Bob Marley, and watched reruns of Good Times. We were all inseparable. Those were the best of times. We were introduced by my then next door neighbor, "ill-Willy" from Philly. Our relationship has always been...interesting. He called me a nerd and a bookworm. I called him a slacker. It was all in great fun. I never thought my life could get any better. We all knew about CS, had even met her on several occasions, but she was never as cool as we were. We were family. We all graduated from college and scattered to the 4 winds but Swiss and I remained in touch, me being his only link with the other girls. I moved to Cali and back, we would catch a happy hour here and there, or beer festival. We weren't in school anymore we had jobs etc. He was still dating the CS, had just bought his first car, and was still living at home. He was finding his way. I fully expected him to call me up and say he was moving into his own pad.

Although our relationship had been platonic...at one point, (damn!, ok, he was my first! Don't ask it's another post entirely)we did become intimate. However, we managed to remain friends even when we were no longer intimate. Our affair was brief but very intense and passionate. I broke it off because I felt weird about him still being involved with his girlfriend ( I was young, inexperienced, and maybe even a bit reckless then). Through it all we remained friends... good friends. Swiss was there for me when my father passed away. That's a real friend. He never tried to cross the boundary I had placed on our relationship.
After my Dad's passing, I checked out socially for a few months... no phone calls, no going out, no nothing. I needed time to mend my broken heart( this has yet to happen, by the way). Swiss called constantly, leaving voice mails to see what was up and to check on me... to tell me some important news. I didn't call back right away, but one day I finally did. Swiss shared the "good news" that he was getting married. Needless to say I was surprised, even a little confused. Swiss was WAY TOO YOUNG to be getting married. I asked why the hurry...another bomb..." "we just closed on a house." I'm thinking "is she knocked up?"

Now you may ask why I was confused about this "good news". The confusion was due in part to some of the discussions we (the family)had back in the old college days about how the CS wasn't real fond of the sex act. Knowing what he had shared with all of us, I was wondering why he would form a union with someone the complete opposite of himself in that particular area. So Swiss was engaged, bought a house and was getting married soon... all in one phone call. I was floored! Over the course of the next couple months ( as the big day came closer and closer), the REAL story ( or his side of it) begins to come to the surface.

1. CS gave him the "we've been together x years, it's time we got married" speech.
2. Her parents gave them the down payment on the house- he had nothing to do with it.
3. Swiss feels trapped...He knows he should back out/postpone but the invitations have gone out.He feels "stuck."
4. Swiss feels deeply for someone else...ME!

Well, what's a girl to say...especially when she feels the same as he does but pushed it aside long ago, (because prior circumstances hadn't been right) trying to do the "right thing?" I did what any real friend would do given the circumstances. I asked him if taking this huge step was what he REALLY wanted to do. His reply of "feeling stuck" was voiced again.

It was then that I knew it was all a mistake...he was making a BIG mistake!
Knowing everything about his feelings for the whole thing...the wedding, the house...me, Swiss had a decision to make. A choice, if you will. He could choose someone he wasn't truly compatible with, or he could choose me... the one person who understood and accepted all his quirks, bad habits, and craziness and didn't want him to change who he was.

March of '99, he made his choice...It wasn't me.

"My Biological Clock is Ticking"

2005-04-26T10:07:00.000-05:00

We can all name at least one woman we know over 30 who has recited this line at one time or another. We hear it and we think, "uh-oh, she's ready to have babies and become a momma." This is the line I got from the Chef yesterday as I inquired about whether I'd be getting twice daily cleaning of my pipes . His confirmation was followed by, "cause my biological clock is ticking."

WTF? You have got to be f*cking kidding me! Isn't that supposed to be my line? I almost fell off the sofa.

What clock? Do men have clocks too? This is too weird, I feel like I'm in some alternate universe. The response I got was " no man will ever admit that he wonders about whether he will marry and have a family. Especially with the changing roles of women. Women are a lot more independent now and many aren't looking to move headlong into marriage and family."
You're damn right we're not!

Some of us don't want to be tied down with husbands and diapers and soccer games. Now I can't speak for every woman, but I can certainly speak for myself when I say, "I'm in no rush."
Here's the thing... I'm selfish! (at least I'm honest about it) I've been taking care of myself for so long, that's all I know how to do. The times where I actually took care of other people... I got paid for it (albeit peanuts). I would never have taken the job at the Non-Profit That Keeps on Taking as a volunteer. I'm not sure I'm even cut out for the motherhood thing. So far, what I've seen is that it's a total crapshoot, and the odds suck! And I'm a bettin' woman!

The Chef is the first ( and probably only) man that will admit he worries about having a family. I never thought I'd hear a man say such a thing. It just goes to show that you never know with men, you just never know!

In the meantime, he should stop listening to his ticking biological clock and turn up the radio or something!

How Do You Really Feel About Things?

2005-04-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

This seems to be the question I get a lot these days. To answer, I often say "what things?" If you ask a vague question, you'll get a vague answer, pal. This question annoys the hell out of me especially when it is asked via e-mail. Like couldn't you get up the balls to ask me when you we were in bed together and you were screwing my brains out? I'm going to hazard a guess and say the "things" are our relationship. What does one say? Maybe, "I think things are OK, but you really need to trim your nails 'cause my tweet can't take all your digging?"Or what about "things would be wonderful if you came to clean my pipes at least 2 times a day!" Is this too much to say to someone who is constantly wondering how things are going? Would I offend?

Honestly, I'm not looking to analyze it to death (that's why I've got TG!)! I just want to bask in the glow of primal lust for awhile and see where it leads me. When I think about things too much that leads to trouble. Right now I just want good times, shameless fun, and someone to flash around at office parties.

This is not to say that I DON'T want the ring and the 2.5 kids, the chocolate Lab and the green E320. Nay, I'm just saying I'm in no hurry to become leg-shackled and knocked up!

Finding The Purple Bra

2005-04-11T21:20:00.000-05:00

About a month ago I went on-line and purchased a couple of colorful bras. Why is this important? Well partly because prior to that point, the only color bra I consistentl bought was black. Yeah, had a flesh colored and a white bra because our mothers teach us we need at least one of these. But black was the color of choice for bras and undies. So I'm on the web and I purchase 3 bras in the following colors: mineral green, purple, and green/gold combo. They finally arrive via UPS and they look as gorgeous as they did on the website. I was exstatic about them.
I immediately removed all the tags and placed them in my already overflowing undie/bra drawer. As time went on, I wanted to wear the bra since I had recently bought matching undies to wear with it (in the same shade no less) but was unable to locate it in the drawer. WTF? How do you lose a bra? It's either dirty and in the hamper or it's clean and in the drawer! A bra that you just bought and never worn does not just disappear. Something was very wrong. I looked everywhere... in the box that it was shipped in, in the trash ( I know this sounds weird), in the closet, in an empty suitcase. I looked everywhere... but no purple bra! Knowing it would eventually it would surface, I moved on with the day to day activities of living. But every once in a while I would lift up the edges of my dust ruffle and look under the bed, just hoping the bra would surface. Alas to no avail.
Well my luck shifted on Saturday morning because as I was packing up my bedroom tchotckes I noticed something purple in my line of vision. It was the purple bra peeking from underneath the bottom of my chest of drawers. Well what do you know, it had fallen out of the top drawer (while inside the drawer) to the bottom of the chest.

I had found the bra!

Don't ya just love it when things fall into place?

Too Good To Be True

2005-04-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

If something is too good to be true, it usually is. We've all heard this before countless times and yet one always thinks there is the slight chance "too good to be true" will actually pan out. Why? Do we need it to brighten up our otherwise dreary existence? Are we all suckers for a happy ending? Possibly. Perhaps it is the besting of all the nay-sayers that spurs us to reach for the proverbial carrot. Maybe it is our thinking "it could happen" that drives us into the shallow pool of "too good to be true" only to drown. "Why not me?" we ask ourselves as we try to attain what others have dubbed the impossible dream.

Is it so wrong to want these things?

I'm no different than the next man in wanting a little happiness. I have often commiserated with some friends on what seems to be, for the lot of us, the illusive thing called happiness. That is not to say that we are not happy with our day to day lives. No, I'm speaking more of the happiness that comes with one's overall existence. A feeling of happiness in the majority of the areas of your life. Maybe contentment is better word. I don't know. What I see is a group of AMAZING women that somehow overall happiness has eluded. Some of them complain and are very vocal about it, while others are quietly raging against the machine. Others are content to wait for what everyone calls the happy ending, and some have given up on every truly finding it.
I don't know much about the mysteries of the universe. What I do know is that we are entitled to some happiness... On every level! I don't want to go throughout life thinking happiness for me is something that will always be "too good to be true".

When will it be our turn?

I Am Socially Unavailable

2005-04-08T08:10:00.000-05:00

As of 10PM this evening, I am socially unavailable to all men. Don't call me to invite me over for sushi, don't cook me dinner. Don't tell me you want to rub my feet, don't tell me my rack looks hot in that shirt. I'm not listenig to any of it. I try not to be a "down with love girl", but guys are just FUCK- UPS! Every guy I've ever known has at some point or another done something to ruin a good thing. Why do they do this? I'll never understand.

My good friends,ThatGirl and Independentgrl have written numerous times about trust and trust issues. We all have them, including myself. I too have a difficult time trusting men because historically, I've seen that they are all full of SHIT! My usual MO is to not give a shit, b/c I never really wanted to be bothered anyway. I am notorious for just not caring. But what happens when you begin to slightly care? I'll tell you what happens, MEN FUCK UP! Then we women with trust issues are back to square one. So.....

I AM SOCIALLY UNAVAILABLE!

I need to be because if not, then I can't be held liable for what might come out of my mouth! I could say anything and likely it won't be pretty.I am VERY good at spewing venom when the mood strikes me! I need to focus on me, my move and getting my own life together. I will not become a cliche, I will not call, I will not e-mail. I will take TG and IG's advice and let him call me. I will remember the words of the wise Mother That Annoys (MTA),"let him long for you". I will follow all this sage advice because I know it is good for me as well as my sanity, but I never thought I'd be playing these kind of mind games with men at this stage in my life. I thought I was past this and finally hanging out in the "executive washroom" of maturity. Oh well,so much for that. So I guess...

I AM SOCIALLY UNAVAILABLE!

Is It Me or Am I getting a Mixed Signal?

2005-04-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

I got the weirdest phone call from the Chef. Ok, the Chef is this guy I've been dating for the past 2+ months. He originally lived in NC and moved back to this area. We met at his best friends party and have been dating ever since. Last night I came home from work and was completely wiped. I needed a nap something fierce. I slept for about 2.5 hours and awoke around 9:45pm. Still groggy from sleep, my phone rings and of course it's the Chef. The voice on the other end says"what's up? I'm going to bed and I'll call you tomorrow." WTF? I must be crazy or something. Why the f*ck call me if you're not going to talk? Why not just save it for tomorrow?why call at all? If I didn't hear from you then I didn't hear from you. DO NOT call me to tell me you can't talk because you're going to bed! What the f*ck were you doing all evening?
I can honestly say that I am pissed off about this! Why you ask,fellow bloggers? I am pissed b/c I did not talk to this guy at all last week except for Monday 3/28! Now he's pulling this shit! Ok, so what is going on? The excuse I got for last week was "I was asleep." Ok, it's possible but what's your excuse this week? Oh boy, this guy better get his shit together! QUICKLY!
His Best Friend (BF) told me that he said he needed "me time". OK, you need "me time", I can understand that, but no phone calls at all? If he really wants alone time, I can provide that. I 'm not interested in a guy who has to be pushed and prodded to nuture a relationship. BF says that he needs an occasional push, that he needs someone to help him, a foot in the ass, etc. All he needs is a strong woman. I AM NOT YOUR MAMA! Get your shit together, pal!
Why am I up in arms about this? Well, partly b/c we communicated quite a bit when he lived further away. Now I'm getting a phone call about once a week. This will not do!
Am I getting mixed signals? Has the game changed? What's going on? Is he getting scared? Am I too much for him?
Is the fairy tale over?

Finding My Way

2005-04-06T22:20:00.000-05:00

I am the woman! I have landed the coolest digs, at a reasonable price and now I can do what I love....SHOPPING! The hunt for an apartment is officially over. YEAH! Move-in day will be April 15th. I can't wait! I have started the process of downsizing and getting rid of stuff that I no longer use. I've also started gathering the boxes that I never unpacked and putting them in a central location. I am so tired of living out of boxes. It will be nice to be able to unpack and put stuff someplace.
Now that I have this great place, I can begin the journey of furnishing it to my liking and getting down to the business of settling in. I feel great! I finally get my own place! Now all I have to do is give it a name....More on that later.

It's Official, A Day of Firsts

2005-03-30T02:55:00.000-05:00

Today is day of firsts!
I have finally started a blog of my own (much to the chagrin of friends who enjoyed my ribald comments on their blogs ) to say whatever the hell I want, not worry about who might not like it, and feel totally fine about it. It will be all straight, no chaser, no sugar coating. So don't say I didn't warn you!
Another "first", I have officially started APARTMENT HUNTING!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited about getting my first apartment I could slap myself! I can't wait...no roommates...no hassles...no answering 50 fucking questions at the crack of dawn! It'll be bliss, sheer bliss, I say. I've been living with the family for the past 3 years and have slowly but surely been going insane. It's time to strike out on my own, and do my own thing before someone finds me in a corner, babbling incoherently.
But wait...There's more!
Today is my first anniversary working at the Very Cool Non-Profit (VCN). It hardly seems like a year has past but it has. It's funny considering that time stood still at the Job that Keeps on Taking (JKT). I was there 4.5 years but it felt like 45. I had 2 side jobs and still couldn't make ends meet. I'm ever so glad I gave up the slave labor for less stress and more $$$.
Firsts are funny, they are like doors you walk through only once in your life. They keep you moving forward and looking for the next great adventure or opportunity. Remember your "firsts"!
I will always remember my first!