Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 4

Knowing what a big mistake Swiss made and hearing him say things were not what they should be validated my feelings of being right all along. The question I keep asking is...

Why? Why? Why?

2005... at the Villa

Swiss calls my house to get the scoop on the new digs and I tell him to stop by and see the place. He ofers to hang the art on the walls. (I love that I can count on him for things like that). He arrives giving me a great bear hug and indicating his pleasure at seeing me again. I return the hug and notice the fine cut of his clothes and the manly scent of his cologne. It feels good to be enveloped in his embrace.

I give him a tour of the Villa, he loves the airy spacious feel of the place and gives me the thumbs up. We sit down to chat and catch up, it's been a while since we've seen each other ( Swiss's birthday was the last time we hung out). I ask about new hobbies and interests that he is involved in and we get into a lengthy discussion about his passion... "timepieces." He goes on to tell me about the $1000 timepieces he owns and the $4000 timepiece he's eying currently.

$4000 for a fricking watch? You gotta be kidding me!

After a while I see what the timepieces have come to mean. They are his passion... a passion that replaced the one missing from the marriage. He uses them to fill the void that is ever present in his life. I guess if he surrounds himself with things...he can't concentrate on the parts that are missing. The parts that mean the most. It is so sad.

In the course of our conversation, he makes mention of waiting. THEN, he drops a BOMB.
"I REGRET GETTING MARRIED! I SHOULD HAVE WAITED, IF I HAD WAITED, I WOULD NOT HAVE MARRIED THE PERSON I MARRIED." When I asked about, who and what he thought would be diferent, he looked at me and said, " YOU, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU."

The defense rests!

He then tells me that I should have tried to stop him, tried to talk him out of it. I reminded him tha he was very determined back then, and that anything I said would have seemed self-serving and selfish. I then reminded him of the conversation we had when I asked him "if he was sure this was what he wanted to do."

He's right, it should have been me, but this is what happens when people are afraid of what they feel, afraid to take a risk. Life becomes all about...

Regrets and "I told you so."