Who Are You, Anyway?

I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep...nobody's really seen my million subtleties...

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Regrets and "I Told You So" Part 3

So now there is this kiss between us and I'm trying to act like I'm not affected by it but I am. The kiss was...incredible, like our kisses usually were. So much passion, it boggles the mind.

Anyway, a few weeks later, I'm throwing a small get together and have invited he and the wife. Suprisingly, they both attend and have a chance to meet some of my friends from the workplace. Cool! I'm playing hostess upstairs, where Swiss wanders to get a drink. He mentions everything is nice. I tell him I'm glad he came and brought the wife. I asked if she was having a good time. He said he "didn't care!"

Huh? what do you mean? "I'm here to support you." Oh, thanks. Friends are great, aren't they? As I walked be to open the fridge, he proceeds to grab me and give me another of those brief but incredible kisses! Again! You gotta be kidding me!

I look at him ( after I have recovered my composure, and surprise) and say, "You can't keep doing that, Swiss! What are you trying to prove?"
His reply, "I can't stop. I can't seem to help myself."
By this point I'm tittilated and alarmed at the same time.

We return downstairs with the other guests. A short time later I'm in the middle of a conversation with some of the old college crew and his wife does the unthinkable...
She completely embarrasses him by talking to him like he's a not a man, like a child. I was shocked, and embarrassed for him and I was not the only one who noted and commented on it later after they left. Yes, several people stated they would never understand why he married her. I kept my mouth shut!

Whoa! The wife completely disrepsected him, and he didn't say anything, but I know he was pissed. I also get the feeling that she was condescending like this frequently. It was almost as if she had no respect for him as a person, like she thought she was better.
Nice eye-opener into their relationship! How sad for him.

Swiss knows I love 50Cent, Jay-Z etc. When I told him I was going to the Rock Da Mic Tour concert at Nissan he shook his head but could tell I was really excited about this concert. 2 weeks before the concert he met me and best friend at a local club (in the parking lot) and whisked me off to another club. On the way there he told me he had a present for me.
"I have something for you, you're going to love it!" I am totally surprised and flattered... a gift.
Swiss gifted me with a big, black t-shirt with 50Cent on the front! I absolutely loved the shirt and still have it to this day. In the parking lot of another club, I give him a great big hug and thank him for thinking about me. "I knew you would love it." "I do, I really love it, thanks." In my pure excitement, I give him another hug and a kiss on his cheek. He stares at me intently for several seconds, caresses my cheek, and calls me a big "kid." Hey,
50Cent is HOT! everytime I see a picture I think, hot damn... but I digress.

Flash...2004

Starts off sour, I hate my job and have decided to leave at the end of June. But there's some drama there and I end up leaving in March anyway (thank G-d! cause someone would have found me in the bathroom with my wrist slit!) I get offered a job in Korea., among others. The money is great, it's for a year or two. I tell Swiss about the different job offers and especially about the job in Korea. I'm really considering this job because it involves travel and a different culture. I discuss all of this with him and he tells me, "you can't go to Korea for 2 years, I want you here. I want you here, where I can put my hands on you."
Insert smug grin here! I know he was telling me in his own (albeit machismo) way that he didn't want me to leave because he would miss me.

What was interesting about this conversation was that when I mentioned that a year or two wasn't that long, that I would be back, and that we could still communicate via e-mail... nothing would really change except my location, Swiss seemed sad. I hit him on the shoulder and teased, "besides you won't miss me at all, you'll probably have a couple of kids while I'm gone, you won't even notice that I'm not here!"
Swiss then informed me that the wifey had just entered a Ph D. program, there would be no children for at least 5 years. WTF? 5 years? You must be joking, they've already been married 5 years at this point. I ask if he's serious and was told yes. So, so sad!

Premonitions of the mistake of this marriage were confirmed when he said," Yeah, at least 5 years before any kids, and that's if I'm even still around in 5 years."

FUCKING-A!

I had never heard this type of talk before! I had to mentally check myself to make sure that I heard him right. When I called him on his comment, he stated that he didn't know if he'd still be married to her in 5 years. The reasons he gave were all the ones he had given previously and that they shared no passion (one I hadn't heard before). He said they were more like roommates than married. He said the issue wasn't their inability to get along because they did, but there was NO SPARK between them. He said there was nothing.

It must have taken everything he had to admit that to himself much less to me! At that point, I realized just how sad his existence was and it made me sad because....


it could have all been avoided.